OK - so, as you may have figured out I do a bit of writing. Just a bit. Nothing serious. (The links are on the side there, if you'd like to do a bit of reading.)
This just started in the spring of 2004. Of course, I have a degree in writing but I'd never had the ambition to write the "Great American Novel" or anything like that. It was just this spring that some muse bit me in the ass and made me write. Like a fiend. Write so much that I didn't even want to go to bed or eat! It was weird.
Even weirder was that it wasn't even like I was doing the writing. It was almost like I was taking dictation. But it was good stuff - a lot of people who read it have liked it and have asked for more. I felt like I was exploding into a shower of words. They just kept pouring out - about12 stories in all completely out of nowhere. Very bizarre.
Then Steve and I broke up. He was sort of my "muse" for a certain character and when he and I split I was in the middle of one particular story that was quite dear to me. It became more difficult to write - I wasn't "inspired" I guess. My updates became less frequent and the writing just stopped flowing around Halloween.
And then, suddenly - BANG! It hit in full force again - totally out of the blue, catching me unawares. But it all started so innocently. On December 18th someone posted a picture to a messageboard. Nothing provocative - just a picture of an actor, fully clothed, from a movie still.
It was a picture of David Wenham (I think I spelled that right) - the guy who played Faramir in the LOTR movies. So this sparked a discussion about David, men with accents and the less well-known LOTR cast members in general. Nothing odd or extraordinary. Just a normal, everday discussion about who was in what movie. No big deal.
So, I felt morally obligated to post a picture of Craig Parker (Haldir) since no one had even considered this fellow in the discussion of supporting cast members. Let me be perfectly clear here - I was not a fan of his. Didn't really know/care who the hell he was. All I knew is that one of my gf's said that he had played Haldir in the movie. The discussion about supporting cast members came up and I threw in my two cents. Just giving the guy his due.
Now I am haunted - tormented by this man! Not like
that - he doesn't even know I exist - but it's like after I posted his damned picture I suddenly got slammed with all these ideas and I started writing again. A lot. No sleeping, no eating just writing. Like the good old days! lol!
It is freaking bizarre as hell! If I didn't know I was perfectly sane I'd think I'd gone nuts! It's like - my God, it's so bizarre I can't even describe it without sounding like a raving madwoman! If someone told me something like this I'd take a few cautious steps away from them and just agree with everything they said as I slowly retreated to the door.
And here all I wanted was to give the guy his due. Nothing more. And now I've gone mad. He's driving me mad. Not by any conscious effort on his part, I'm sure, but nevertheless I blame HIM. Thank you, Mister Craig Parker, where ever in the hell you are, for driving me utterly insane! I've started writing and I cannot stop!
Maybe I shouldn't complain. I mean, I'm not eating, either. Does that not sound like I'm having a nervous breakdown? Not sleeping, not eating, just writing, writing and writing. More and more. The words are just coming to me. I just put my fingers on the keys and words come out. It's rather creepy.
And I blame a man I've never seen, never met. At least with Steve I could understand it. He was here. I could see him, touch him, smell him and watch him. I understood how he could affect what I was writing and most people could see him IN my writing. But this, this is just completely incomprehensible.
Not that I'm complaining. Oh, no! I mean, this kick in the ass - haunting - whatever you wanna call it - has allowed me to finish two stories and start a third that I had NEVER even considered. And it just comes. I just look at his picture and BANG! Words come out! Just like that!
(I sure hope I haven't inadvertently "stolen" his "mojo" or something. I didn't mean to! Just like I'm sure he doesn't mean to haunt me.)
My readers are quite pleased with this (bizarre) turn of events. Of course, they have no idea what - er - WHO is behind it - they are just happy that I'm going to continue. I had not PLANNED on continuing this one particular story.
It had logically ended and I was happy with it. They were happy with it. But HE was not happy with it. He pressed, he haunted, he titilated and tormented - he pestered me until I sat down at the keyboard and put my fingers down. Then the continuation just came pouring out. And I mean pouring out.
Scenes strung together and bits of conversations all jumbled up just came out. I just typed and typed it out all at once - all I could until I was seriously exhausted and had to sleep.
But he would not rest. No. He haunted my dreams demanding that I finish it - that I give him his total due, I guess. Jeez, bud, had I known you would be this insistent, I would have left you as an afterthought on a messageboard!
And all this from a dude I've never met, seen or heard of! Good Lord, I sound like a total lunatic!
I'm hoping that by pouring this all out that maybe it will cease. Not totally cease because this has given me quite the juicy little story! But Craig, honey, stop haunting me 24/7. You're driving me insane!
(0) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 5:48 PM
With the holidays coming up I haven't had much of an opportunity to examine my latest crop of respondents. After viewing this week's offering me thinks I should have just stayed away!
People, if I am not mistaken the year is 2004. There is still NO CURE for things like Herpes or AIDS. Right? Or did I miss some news flash? Didn't think so.
I get this email from an individual who goes by the name of "slutpuppy" and gushes on and on about how hard his peter is and how horny he is and how he wants sex all the time. OK. Whatever. But his last paragraph really floored me. He says something to the effect of "I don't wear condoms - I can't stay hard. I can prove I'm clean so why not? I like a cream pie myself." Dang. I think I threw up a little in my mouth after reading that.
This is so wrong in so many ways I can't even being to count them. First, you say you're a slut. Fine. A slut who doesn't wear condoms? Nice knowing ya, pal. You'll be dead in 10 years. I'm supposed to TRUST that whatever "paper" you show me "proves" you're clean? No way. You're messing with someones LIFE here, moron, not just their reputation. Am I supposed to "trust" that all the OTHER sluts you've been with have been HONEST with YOU about THEIR pasts? Riiiiiight.
Needless to say, Mr. "slutpuppy" found himself the recipiant of a nasty gram and a banishment. Idiot! Go infect someone else!
Next up we have an individual who - for whatever bizarre reason - decided to measure his dick using quarters. WTF? What in the HELL is that supposed to prove? He's got them all nice and neatly laid out in a line with said penis beside them and two quarters on TOP of it (so you can see length and girth, I guess. Damn, I'm impressed. Not!) Then he goes on to describe, I kid you not, the scene before you "You can see that I'm 7 1/4 long and 2 1/4 wide". It took me forever to figure out he was using 1/4 in place of the word "quarter". Dude, if you're so stupid you can't use a dictionary to spell then maybe that explains why you couldn't use a RULER to MEASURE your dick!
Am I too picky? I don't think so. I mean, basic understanding of the English language is sort of expected here, people. And basic safety considerations are expected. I think I spelled it out in my ad. I specifically said "no condoms, no play. Period." As well as the "no married men, period. Don't even ask". Sheesh! I guess they think it means everybody BUT them.
I just have to roll my eyes and hit the "block" button. Thank God for such a thing! I don't know where I would be without it! lol!
(0) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 5:00 PM
It's that time of year again. You know - when you just wanna choke someone - preferably the person ahead of you in line who can't seem to pick up anything with a price tag on it.
Anyway - this sort of dovetails the dating rants as well. This is the time of year when most people - ok, most WOMEN have triple the amount of work to do. WE are the ones who shop, bake, wrap presents, send the cards, etc. What do the guys do? Same thing they do the rest of the year - nothing. Sit in front of the TV guzzling beer and sleeping.
So why do these same idiots think that I have the time or the inclination to meet them, sleep with them or even talk to them? Why? Have I not told you a million times that I am BUSY wrapping, shopping, cooking? What part of that do you not understand? Oh, all of it. I forgot. Yeah, you wouldn't understand because you NEVER do it.
I swear, the more email from these idiots I get the happier I am that I'm single. These morons are totally clueless. For some reason they seem to think that laundry is "magically" done and put away, that cookies "magically" appear and presents "magically" appear AND wrap themselves. Get a fooking clue, you morons!
Why am I not talking to you? Maybe because I'm busy trying to bake YOUR damned cookies you're going to gorge on at the office party next week. Maybe because I don't like my place smelling like poo and dirty socks. Or maybe because I'm tired of your incessant whining and pleading for my attention. Get over yourselves! Dang! The freakin' DOG isn't even THIS bad!
What really torques me is the married guys who say "my wife doesn't have time for me anymore". You worthless piece of tripe! Maybe if you got off of your LAZY ass and helped take CARE of YOURSELF she WOULD have the time to pay attention to you. But no. You EXPECT her to take care of you, clean up after you, feed you while you do nothing to help yourself. It's no wonder you don't get any attention. Idiot! Apparently this cause and effect model isn't something that they can relate to.
So, let me put it like this. For example, you (as a guy) are Brett Favre. Your wife is a offensive lineman. OK, when she does her job (blocking) you can do YOUR job (getting all the glory). Well, what if she STOPPED doing her "job"? Your ass would get beaten to a pulp. No questions asked.
While she might not have the most glamourous job in the world, if she stopped doing it, you'd be on your ass sniveling (sort of like when she doesn't make your dinner). So shut the hell up and go give that hard working woman a hug. And wrap some presents while you're at it! Do YOUR part to take care of YOURSELF (you're not an invalid) and you'd be surprised how much more amineable to your demands for attention she can be.
It's pretty frustrating when everyone DEMANDS of you but no one wants to GIVE anything to you. That's what SHE feels like. Hell, it's what I feel like and I'm not even living with one of them! Their constant demands for attention are really getting on my nerves.
Get this - they all don't want someone who is "fat" in their eyes but yet you're supposed to spend every waking minute with them. How in the holy hell do you think I've managed to stay at my weight? By sitting around eating junk? NO. By NOT eating and exercising my ass off. You don't want a fat girlfriend then you're gonna have to deal with the fact that I have to go to the gym. Shut up and deal with it.
I don't CARE how horny you are or what YOU want. I NEED time to myself to think and dream. I want and need time to work out and skate. If you can't live without me for a couple hours a day then you've got bigger problems than just a hard on. I suggest you seek therapy. Or a prostitute.
Whew! Now that I've got that off my chest I can ride my bike!
(0) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 4:43 PM
I like to think of myself as fairly open minded when it comes to costuming. I mean, I realize that not everyone has disposible income and a lot of people are allergic to wool or don't like the way linen wrinkles. And in the Society I'm quite forgiving about footwear and other "anachronisms".
But . . . but . . . doesn't Hollyweird have enough cash to be able to afford to properly outfit someone in at least some semblence of period garb? Is that too much to ask? And I KNOW they're are PLENTY of SCAdians in and around the area - why doesn't some big shot producer show up at an event, drag one of them off to the side and say "hand over the duds - here's $500." Bang! I'd be stripped down to my corset and drawers in a heartbeat!
But no. "They" think "we" don't "notice" such things as Tshirts in the 15th century. WTF?
Why does this bother me? It just does. One of my "costuming nazi vs hollywerid" pet peeves. People, it doesn't cost that much to get proper garb - especially for early period movies. Cotton is CHEAP and no one can tell it's not linen on screen if it's cut right! How freakin' hard is it to make a couple of cotton kirtles, cotehardies and t tunics? It's NOT!!!
Case in point. "Kingdom of Heaven". New movie with Mr. Lickalicious (Orlando Bloom) as a blacksmith turned "knight" or some such nonsense. Set during the "crusades" (they haven't quite told us WHICH one, mind you). But I'm willing to overlook this tripe for the sake of the Scrumptious One.
Now if there is one thing I absolutely positively LOVE more than ANYTHING it chain mail. Sexy as hell in my book.
Put The Big O in some chain mail and - Lord have mercy! I just might spontaneously combust from lust overload! (Ah, the fantasy is delightfully decadent, I can assure you! ) So you can imagine my eagerness when my gf posted some stills from the production.
All was well and fine until I fully opened the picture. A scream of horror escaped my lips and I nearly burst into tears when I saw that Orlando (for shame! for shame!) was wearing a damned Tshirt and jeans under this beautiful mail! WOE!!!! WOE!!! I was horrified, appalled, crushed and dumbfounded. WTF???? WTF is he thinking?? Who in the HELL let him wear that?
The unforgiveable crime:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v361/coolmelt/orlandooutofperiod.jpg
My dream - my fantasy lies in ruins. Crushed under the weight of Orlando's stupid t-shirt. I cannot adequately convey the overwhelming sense of loss I am feeling now. To go from the highest high (Orlando in chain mail) to the lowest low (Orlando ruining said chain mail by not wearing the proper undergarments) is just too much for my old heart to bear!
I'm so devistated by this I just might have to get some work done today. My GOD, that is a complete tragedy of unparalleled porportions. My mind is not capable of coping with such a disturbing turn of events - never mind my hormones!
The only good thing that could possibly come of this is - he realizes what a horrible mistake he has made, rings me up and begs me to make him a properly fitting gambeson and leggings.
OK, so he won't have to beg.
Dammit, man! I was all ready to "squee" like a stupid teenaged fangirl until I saw your undergarments, curse your lickable hide!
Can you imagine my anguish? My costuming sensibilities outweighing my hormones! The horror is just too much to bear! *goes back to work*
(0) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 1:12 PM
Wow! Just when I thought it was safe to surf for a dude - I get more mail! Wooot!
Today's offering from the steamy great beyond of cyberspace dating:
- Blue balls 25 - "cum with me" (Where? Where am I going with you, Oh, ye of the blue balls? Think I can borrow them for my Christmas tree?)
- Mastersex66 - "I'm easy" (Yeah, but not cheap, right? Hey, at least he didn't call him self 69. Or "master bater")
- Cunnilingus One - "licking for a real person" (Ok, this is so wrong on so many levels. First of all this dude looks like some kind of ZZ Top reject. Second, maybe he should save his breath and use it on the only date he's gonna be getting - a blowup doll!)
- The Weasel - (Why would I want to hook up with a weasel? Do you not have the same connotation of a "weasel" that I do? This is NOT flattering, dude!)
- jakethedogg - "looking for discreet sex" (Yeah, see above "dogg")
- Hungryboy - "hungry for your love" (Oh, puleeze! This has got to be the worst pickup line I've ever read!)
- 4all2c - "looking for fun" (Yeah, but where in the hell is your picture if you're "for all to see"? I don't see you!)
- the snapper - "well hung lover" (personally, I prefer well hungover but that's just me!)
- mp3dude - "great man looking for same" (Dude, I'm a chick or did you fail to notice that in my profile? I thought maybe the boobie picture would convince you . . . you've obviously got more issues than just finding a date)
- NASCAR nude - "looking to please" (OK - ANYTHING that even remotely SMELLS of NASCAR is a turnoff.)
I just have to shake my head and wonder at some of these individuals. Where in the hell do they come up with these names? Is this supposed to excite me? Entice me to write them? I don't think so! Sheesh!
I guess for kicks I should look thru some of the female names. heh, heh!
(0) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 6:44 PM
It can be difficult sometimes to come up with a "name" that describes yourself in the pathetically limited vastness of cyberspace.
This is especially true when you are internet dating or chatting. This is too good not to share. Not gonna name any websites here - don't wanna give free publicity to the guilty.
From a dating site. Men's cyber names followed by a short descriptor and, of course, my take on the whole thing.
- citylikkerboxx - "let me lick your box" (I just cannot even look at this without busting into fits of laughter picturing someone like Star Jones calling this guy up for a "date").
- largepackage - complete with a picture of said "package". (No comment)
- orallyfixated - just what it implies (OK - I think I'm "orally fixated" as well. Oh, wait, I don't think that dude is talking about Orlando Bloom. Damn!)
- rock - hello from a guy with a black hair (Only one? One black hair? That's one helluva combover, dude! Puttin' the Trumpster to shame!)
- needto69 - love to (Yeah, I'll be you do!)
- 69withrob - I was thinking of you today (This is wrong on so many levels I can't even begin to count the ways. But I shall try. "Rob" is a an Andy Warhol look alike. 'nuf said.)
- woodpecker69 (That just sounds painful - splinters, you know.)
- tunglasher69 (are we seeing a pattern here?)
(1) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 8:01 PM
Just in case some poor lost soul manages to stumble upon this disjoined mess - here are a few of the sites I hang out at on a regular or semi regular basis. Kinda nice to have it all in the same place for my own nefarious reasons.
First, for the best celeb gossip, try here:
http://celebrities-suck.com/v-web/bulletin/bb/index.php (messageboard is free to sign up but use yahoo. It hates hotmail and aol for some reason!)
Also, this one can get interesting:
http://www.datalounge.com/cgi-bin/iowa/english/home/index.html
If I'm not gossiping, that means I'm writing. Which means I'm either here or at one of these sites:
http://lotrfanfiction.com/
http://www.fanfiction.net/
http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/
And if I'm not surfing, I'm living in the past:
http://www.midrealm.org/
or
http://oi.uchicago.edu/OI/default.html or
http://www.british-museum.ac.uk/
But don't think I'm going to reveal ALL of my secrets so quickly. ;-) Maybe one day or maybe you'll figure it out on your own.
(0) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 3:11 PM
My office mate. He's a decent enough guy, right? The problem? His freaking wife that calls incessantly every single hour. If he's not in (say he's in a meeting with his boss or at lunch) she bitches at him like he's supposed to sit at his desk and wait for her to call. Yeah, she supposedly has a job but I think it must be for the freakin' phone company because she's always calling.
If he is in one of the nearby offices and SHE calls - I'm supposed to go get him and tell him she's on the phone. Yeah. Needless to say I don't bother. She needs to get a grip.
Anyway - today's burning question - what was Captain Hooks name before the alligator ate his hand?
How is it that we can split an atom and yet cannot prevent the human body from producing copious amounts of snot? I mean, which is more life enhancing? Splitting an atom or freedom from excess snot? I'm leaning toward elimination of excess snot here, but I dunno about you.
Why is it that the dumbest people think they are so intelligent? And if you tell them how dumb they are, they accuse you of being "envious of their superior intellect." Riiiiiight.
Philosophy of the day "It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong".
Today's sign of the Apocalypse? Pick one. Steven Segal gets a record deal. William Shatner releases a new CD. Lil' Kim (affectionately known as "lil' him") getting a "reality" show. People please! Isn't there enough pollution? (See me add to it).
OK so it's snowing today. Which would be ok if the freaking idiots knew how to drive. For whatever reason the people in this town are terrified of snow. They see one flake and slam on their brakes or creep along at a walk. I kid you not. God forbid that we actually get an accumulation of snow. Like 1/4" or something. People go nuts! Buying bread, milk, cigarettes and beer like it's doomsday or something and basically clog up the roads because they are too terrified to drive but they HAVE to get to the store. Freakin crazy morons!
(0) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 2:57 PM
After much deliberation and soul searching I've decided that I need to start writing some of this stuff down. It's just too good not to share.
Sure, I used to journal when I was younger but I wasn't very consistent at it. It's much easier and faster for me to type so this will work fine, thank you.
See - I'm a 38 year old single chick living in one of the most repressive cities in the US - Cincinnati, OH. Yeah. Lucky me.
Never been married or even engaged. Why? Because the only way you can meet a guy in this town is to go to church and I just don't believe in that sort of thing for a number of reasons.
What's a poor girl to do? Well, the church option is out. Personal ads? Yeah. Been there, done that married guy. Sheesh! What part of "NO MARRIED MEN" do you not understand? I know you can read because you've managed to get my physical description down (you keep going on and on about it) but you just can't seem to figure out that "NO MARRIED MEN" is specific to YOU. Whatever.
Maybe some singles parties? Only when I really wanna feel like a freak. I'm the only chick there over 30 who has never been married. Everyone else sits around talking about their kids. That's a helluva good time, don't you think? Hmmmm. Besides, hooking up with some 50 year old man and listening to him bitch about his ex wife all night is my idea of THERAPY, not FUN.
That's sort of the background to this whole thing and here's where it gets good. On the advice of a friend, I decided to try some internet dating. What the hell, right? After a drunken discussion with a fellow single gf, I decided to go for it and signed up for eharmony.
No. My friends, do not go here unless you can't meet a guy at church. The dude that runs it is a conservative Christian so you get stuck with guys older than you because that's what HE believes in. Had I known this going in - that I would not be matched with younger men - I would not have signed up in the first place. Live and learn. Now YOU know. But it could be just the thing YOU are looking for so give it a shot if this is up your alley.
I wondered why every guy that I was matched with was 40 - 50 years old. Now I don't care if you're a little overweight or bald. I can deal with this. What I cannot deal with is a dude with no teeth (yes, believe it, men are stupid enough to post pictures of them missing prominent teeth), a dude posing with another woman (obviously the ex judging by the rings), or a dude proudly posing with all of his NASCAR stuff. Get me a bucket and a mop 'cause I just hurled all over my monitor!
Needless to say, I let that membership lapse. They aren't giving me up without a fight, tho, and keep bombarding me with "return for half price" nonsense. Uh, no.
Next up was Yahoo personals. I'd heard several people mention this and Match.com. I already had a yahoo account so I figured WTF? Ladies, lemme tell you there are some desperate men out there and it is frightening.
One individual (let's call him Ray to protect the guilty) saw my Yahoo ad and responded. His first reponse was his phone number with a demand "call me tonight". What night? What night did you write that? What if I don't check my mail everyday? What if I have other plans? Twit!
Now that's a very good way to turn off a chick you haven't even met by demanding instant attention from her. And if they are anything like ME - their answer will be "hell no" just on principle. As an 8year old so eloquently put it recently, "you ain't the boss of me!"
I wrote "Ray" back and said that I wanted to email him a bit first to make sure he wasn't a whacko. Of course he SAID he wasn't a whacko - so does jacko. Well, his emails became more demanding that I call him. Immediately if not sooner. He would DIE if I didn't call him. He didn't CARE that I wanted to be a bit more comfortable with him via email. What HE wanted was me on the phone so he could strong arm me into meeting. Dude, a bit of advice for future reference - do NOT get into a battle of wills with a redhead - you will NOT win.
After several more of these unanswered demands I simply told him that his constant badgering me to call him was a turnoff and I had no intention what so ever of doing so. His final answer? "Well, I'll still be here waiting for you when you change your mind. Call me." Good Lord, what an idiot! I'm still praising Allah for that "block" button. Ray will whine again no more.
Next was "Phil". Not Dr., either. This dude's problem was he was quite overweight and was searching for a "slim, slender, beautiful woman that I can pamper and take care of". Get that mop back out - I just hurled on the monitor again. Let me count the ways in which that is so wrong. First, dude, look in the mirror - that big old thing hanging down to your knees is your BELLY. Why would *I* find that attractive? And yet I'm supposed to look like a starving supermodel (redundant, I know) for you? I don't think so.
And WTF is this about "to pamper and take care of"? Get a freaking lap dog for the love of Pete! Any woman worth having is going to sneer at such blatant stupidity (if you're lucky. If you're not she'll take you for everything you're worth. Trust me on that one!) I sent the canned "sorry, I've met someone" reply. As much as I'd like to - I just cannot be cruel to someone. Unless they really really deserve it. (Hence this little chat between us! I can't keep this stuff to myself - it's just too rich!)
There have been a few decent dudes on there - three of which I am still talking to despite cancelling my account at Yahoo. I told them(Yahoo) I'd found what I was looking for. Not there, exactly, but found it more or less. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The same gf who drunkenly encouraged me to get on line is back in town and we meet up to giggle and gossip like a couple of old ladies. I tell her about my experiences. She laughs at me. Laughs at me! She set me up, I know it!
"Bean," I say (that's her nick) "You was bad to encourage me. Why haven't YOU done it?"
"Because I don't want someone to DATE and get serious with. I work too much. I need a guy - what's the phrase? 'Friends with benefits'?" She giggles.
I laugh. Indeed. I mean, why buy the pig when all you want is a little sausage, eh?
"So why don't you put THAT in your ad?" I dare her.
She thinks about this for a minute. I appear superior because at least I've tried it. She rises to the bait.
Well, needless to say she got 24 responses in a 12 hour period on Yahoo with an ad like that. I about died. I wanted to claw her eyes out! Serves me right for not stipulating EXACTLY what I was looking for. She gloats. I fume.
Then I retreat and regroup.
(0) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 2:03 PM
Figuring that I don't have much to lose at this point, I ask a male friend his advice. He sends me to an adult site that has exactly what I'm looking for. Hey, they aren't paying me so I'm not giving them any free advertisement. Suffice it to say it is a site with no horrified conservatives on there.
I post my profile stating that I am a tomboy who is looking for a dude to hang out with and a possible LTR. Nothing vulgar, nothing crude. One face shot from Glamour Shots and one body shot of me in a pair of tights (because I think it's only fair they know how bottom heavy I am).
Well, damn, girls! The response was frightening! I figured I'd get maybe 10 or so - about the same I got on Yahoo. No way. I had 34 the first day and had to turn off my profile to go thru all of them. Didn't take me long to realize that I needed to be more specific in my desires.
Several married men. A few couples (did I not say I was straight? That I wanted ONE SINGLE guy?) and a few prospects. Some more frightening than others. Again, I got the demanders - first email to me they start demanding that I call them or meet them. Uh, NO. Hello? Freaking idiot! Do you not watch "forensic files" or "cops"?
*sigh* Same rules as before - if I don't like the sound of your email I'm not calling you nor am I going to meet you so shut up! Demanding that I call you or meet you right this minute are going to get you blocked. Bang! Damn, I love that block button! It should be called "idiots be gone!"
Now, asking me to call and TELLING me to call are two different things. A note of advice to any dude out there reading this (you must be horribly bored!) DEMANDING a woman's attention is a sure fire way to end up dropped like a hot rock. No one wants to be constantly berated to "call me" or "meet me" or worse. At best you just won't hear from her again. At worst, she'll be like me and tell you to your face that you're an asshole in no uncertain terms. Now is that REALLY what you want? I didn't think so.
Back to the juicy part of this tale. I was and still am frankly amazed at the number of single dudes out there that seem, well, normal! Cute, clean cut, intelligent, gainfully employed - most of them seem to be looking for the same thing I am. A companion of the opposite sex that they can hang out with and maybe get something going. How bizarre is THAT?
I'm telling you, I feel like Alice in Wonderland - that I've fallen thru the looking glass or something. Everything I thought was "real" is not and everything I didn't believe could exist does. It's just not right. How can there be so many liberal normal dudes in this town? I thought they all got shipped off during the great blue state stampede!
And many of them are honest - yes, I'm married or yes, I have a serious gf. I'm like WTF? Amazed that they would ADMIT it and amazed that they would want to look elsewhere. Damn! I need to get out more often.
So, here I am, my mouth hanging open and reading all these emails from these dudes who are just what I've been looking for. I felt like I hit the jackpot or something!
I call Bean and tell her. She sends me some pix of the dudes who have written her on Yahoo. One in particular was quite unnerving - a female. "Didn't you set that to dudes?" I ask.
"Yes, but she doesn't care," Bean answers. Damn. That's disturbing.
I think I can top this, tho and it doesn't take long scanning my email to find a picture of a man, naked from the waist down, leaning over a chair - his naked butt (and everything else) just a hanging out there for the world to see. I nearly fell off of my chair. Luckily, I had enough presence of mind to hit the "send" button before I passed out from laughter.
Bean's scream on the other end of the line woke me from my stupor. "That was wrong," she says. "You should have warned me."
"I did!" I protested. "You didn't believe me."
"I'll get you back for that!" She threatens.
That night she made good on her threat. In my inbox was a photo of a guy and his email to her requesting a date. Poor man had not one tooth in his head. None. Had the sunken in "bitter beer face" we all remember. Wanted to show her "a good time". I was numb with shock. Certainly this had to be a joke. What kind of person would send a toothless picture of themself to someone and ask for a date? This is just beyond all human comprehension. Or at least MY human comprehension.
So now it's back in MY court. I need to find something to top this. I can no longer wait for these things to turn up in my inbox. I must search them out! I cannot let Bean win this challenge!
(1) comments
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 1:24 PM
