~What in the Hell?~

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

~ Mental Health Days ~

So I decided to take some days off of work for various reasons. Let me tell you, it has felt wonderful.

Those bitches are just going to have to suck it up and deal.

I was off yesterday and slept in until 10am! Wooooo! Then I got up, organized all of my fabric (a labor of Hercules); sorted and organized all my buttons, sequins, sewing stuff, embroidery stuff, painting stuff - the whole nine yards.

Then I went skating. It was so nice! I just GOOFED OFF!! Didn't work on any of my test crap - just jumped and spun and goofed off. I went to see my therapist then to the store where I got a dozen cookies! Wooo! (Of course, after the third one I couldn't eat any more. That much sugar is just gross to me.)

I came home, sat on my ass and watched TV while I embroidered. And it felt so good! And I'm doing it again today! (Altho I was up at 630am for a conference call - ugh.) But I went back to bed.

Once I got up today, I've just cleaned. Yes, CLEANED. And I've enjoyed every minute of it. Put things away, dusted, swept, ran the dishwasher, put the stars on the ceiling in the bedroom. Now I'm fixing to go pick up my new skating bag (that FINALLY got here) and go skating - AGAIN!!! More goofing off today.

Then I'm going home and mom is going to stuff me with grub (home made chicken & dumplings and a CAKE!), I'm going to beat The Creature and it's going to be so nice.

No fucking work bitching. No whiners. Man, I tell you what - I should do this once a month just to keep myself from going positively INSANE.

Sad, isn't it? All I really want is some time to clean (it helps me think), sew/embroider, paint and read. I really don't have many more wants than that. Well, ok, I'd love to have a big old English garden like my grandma had to piddle in but I have to settle for the window boxes. But still. My wants are pretty simple, really.

Books and fabric. Throw in some flowers, nice dinners, shoes on occassion and a clean house. And the Goodwill, of course. So I can roam around and look at everything. And my drum, of course. And my skates. Those two things go without saying, really.

OK. It's time for me to hit the rink! Yay! I get to skate (almost) as much as I want this week!

Oh, and I did call the credit card company and get my rate lowered. Damned loan sharks were charging me 23% interest! WTF?? So that's taken care of and is one less thing to worry about.

When I go home, I'm going to have mom pin up these pants of mine so I can hem them later. That will be nice.

I would highly recommend that everyone take a couple of days off a month (besides the weekend) to just do what the hell you want. Don't tell anyone, either, outside of work. Just take the days off and do your "thang" for a couple of days. Read, swim, lay around and stare at the ceiling - who cares as long as it isn't "work".

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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 1:27 PM

Monday, April 09, 2007

~ Sad Today ~

I have been feeling rather depressed lately. Or maybe it's just burnt out.

I hate this fucking job. Really. And that lazy bitch manager of mine can't seem to get off her worthless ass and turn in my review so I can move to another job (she's been sitting on it for 6 months and thwarting my attempts to leave this department). She's probably waiting until she hears something negative about me so she has something to complain about. Worthless bitch.

The house is a total wreck. I finally decided to break down and buy a new TV (since my old one would like have 1/4 a pitcure for an hour until it warmed up). Alas, the new TV did not fit in the cabinet of the old one. So, much cursing, cutting, grunting, sweating and attacking dust bunnies later I pulled out my old stereo cabinet and put the new TV on that (with all of it's "stuff" - DVD player, cable box, surround sound, blah, blah).

The hydra of wires eminating from behind that mess was just astounding. And filthy. And I couldn't figure out how to re-hook it up because the directions were just abysmal.

There was shit everywhere. Oh, God, it was a mess! About 5 hours later I was able to watch "Forensic Files". That was all I wanted to do on Friday. Just sit in front of the TV and do some embroidery. Is that so much to ask???

It wasn't a big request, it wasn't an outrageous request. I just wanted to sit there, watch some lame old horror movies (Carnival of Souls, Werewolf vs Vampire Woman) and do some embroidery. Not like I wanted world peace or an end to poverty (altho that would be nice). No, I just wanted to watch some hokey old movies and embroider.

Alas, my simple desire was too simple, I fear. What should have been easy (pull out old TV, put in new one), turned into an ordeal of epic porportions.

First, it didn't fit. So I pulled out the old cabinet (a labor of Hercules, I can assure you) and tried to fit the new TV in thru the back of the cabinet. I even REMOVED the back of the cabinet and the doors. Nope. Didn't fit. By a lousy 1/4". Shit.

I turned to chocolate. Yes, I was "bad" and I don't give a damn! I hate 4 cupcakes and drank milk RIGHT OUT OF THE CARTON in the middle of the busted ass living room! I was completely disgusted. I knew my simple plan to embroider was foiled.

The sugar gave me the energy to pull out all of the components from the old cabinet, drag it down the hall to the small room and drag the old stereo cabinet out and clean it up. Then I had to load everything into the new cabinet and try and figure out what wire went where on what. I just wanted to cry. NONE of the directions were right. (I forgot to mention I had to go get a new cable box as well).

When I tried hooking the system up according to the directions, I got nothing. The TV said it couldn't get a signal. Really? And here I thought there was one channel that broadcasted nothing but snow 24/7. Silly me!

So I tried looking at the instructions for the cable box and hooked it up that way. Still nothing. Got the surround sound to work.

I finally called Steve and told him to walk me thru it on the phone. He says he's not sure if he can. Yeah, you can. Dad walked me thru hooking up the dishwasher and the ceiling fan without frying myself. I think you can help me with the TV. He did and it worked! Finally, after 5 hours of doing battle, I could watch "Forensic Files". By that time, tho, I was so tired and disgusted all I wanted to do way lay down and sleep. But I had to take a shower before I went to bed because I was just FILTHY from the dust bunnies attack.

Saturday, alas, I didn't get the opportunity to enjoy my movies, either, as the room was still a huge mess and now I had also destroyed the small bedroom. I laid there in bed thinking that I'd never get everything cleaned up and be able to just embroider in peace. So I decided that I would get ONE DAMNED room clean. And I cleaned the bathroom.

So, there's an old TV sitting in the middle of my living room, a giant box in the kitchen that the new TV came in, the sink is full of dishes, both of the bedrooms look like a tornado hit and there is folded laundry laying in the hallway. But the fucking bathroom is clean, dammit!

And I still hate this fucking job. In case anyone forgot. I'm behind in my class, my car's "check engine" light is on (it's bitching it wants a tuneup - WHATEVER!), the weather is fucking cold as all get out, my place is a mess, my skating bag is only the frame (they didn't have the bag, so they just sent the frame - WTF??) and I've eaten more sugar in the last two days than I have in a YEAR. Fuck.

Yes, I realize none of those things is earth shattering and I don't really have anything to bitch about in the grand scheme of things. But really, all I wanted was to watch my old horror movies and embroider. Now I'm depressed and feel like I worked all fucking weekend then have to turn around and come into this hell hole!

Fuck. And tomorrow is my birthday and can I do what I want? Oh, hell no! No skating, no dinner, no cake. Fucking work and doctor. It sucks! Not even any embroidery, either! Maybe I should take tomorrow off. Just for sanity's sake. That sounds like a good idea.

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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 11:55 AM

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

~ How Time Flies ~

I can't believe it's been a month since I've posted. I've certianly been slacking in my duties. heh.

The weather has finally gotten warm and it is BEAUTIFUL!! Weirdly, it's going to be 80 today then snow tomorrow. WTF is up with that nonsense? I've about had enough of winter and snow and that bullshit.

Steve and I went to Vegas at the beginning of March. It was one of those "spur of the moment" things. We were both sick of work and sick of the weather so we ran off. It was great! The pool was open, the hot tub was open, the booze was free and the temp was 85 degrees! Wooooo!

We had the champagne brunch at the Bellagio on Saturday morning - divine! I gorged on stuff I can't find around here and champagne. Steve ate meat and seafood. Then we went shopping. I continued to drink my way thru Caesar's Palace. Weeeee!

We went to see "O" which was very cool. Sunday all we did way lay around the pool. That was great. Of course, I had to glue myself to the craps table when I wasn't by the pool.

It was a very nice and much needed break.

The following Saturday was the skating competition where I worked all day. That was kinda tiring. Then the weekend after that was Unicorn so I went to that. This past Saturday is the first day I've had off since Vegas. And I slept. I was so tired. And my hips have been hurting me.

This week I'm supposed to see a personal trainer at the gym to see if it is some sort of muscle imbalance that is causing my discomfort. I think it is but I don't know how to "fix" it. Sometimes it's hard to sleep at night because I can't find a position where I don't hurt. It really sucks.

Summer ice starts in June and I'm looking forward to it. I like skating in the morning before work. That way I'm worn out BEFORE I come in. I'd rather spend my energy on skating. heh.

I'm thinking I'll take my test again here soon. At the next test session, probably. Altho I'd like to get some more practice in before then.

I've finally broken down and ordered a new skating bag. My current one has been broken for a while and I just now got tired of it (the handle won't extend out so I have to use a knee-high pantyho to pull it around. Ghetto as hell, I know. But my cheap ass just couldn't part with the $$ to buy the bag I wanted. Until now).

My class is still going on. I think I'm on track. We've gotten to the easy part now which is manipulating the data. (Yeah, I think that's the "easy" part!) I hate playing "catch up" and I guess it's just plain laziness but I haven't been keeping up like I should. I mean, doing the extra out of class reading and that.

Yesterday I took 1/2 day and went home to take dad for an ice cream. lol! Sometimes you just have to do that. Sadly, I couldn't finish my double dip sundae. So I gave the rest of it to dad (who ate it after eating his own triple dip sundae! lol!) And I LOVE ice cream! I dunno what's wrong with me. I guess the craving for chocolate just isn't upon me right now.

It was nice to see him and mom. And The Creature. That poor old geezer. He actually barked at me when he saw me in the driveway. (Lord knows he can't HEAR me when I walk in the door). I had to laugh at him and his "arf!"

My place is a mess. I've been trying to do some "spring cleaning" where I go thru everything to get rid of stuff I don't use and take it to the Goodwill. So crap is laying everywhere. And I changed out my closets (from winter clothes to summer). I've kinda cleaned it up but there is still a lot of stuff I'd like to get done. Hopefully I'll be able to do some stuff on Saturday.

I have like 3 big tubs full of fabric scraps. I managed to make one rag rug last weekend but it hardly made a dent in the scraps. And I flatly REFUSE to throw fabric out (unless it's such a tiny spec that I can't use it in a rag rug or quilt).

I probably should go thru it all and separate it. I can make some gypsy skirts with some of the larger pieces. Then the smaller pieces for a quilt(s) with the smallest going to another rag rug. We can always use them in the yurt. That will probably be my project for this weekend.

During the week, I'm usually busy and when I get home I just read. Tonight I have practice and I "should" go to the breadstore (since it's on the way home) but I might hold off on that. I need to go to the store, too, and I might do that tomorrow after I hit the gym. (I'm trying to get back into working out regularly. There's no reason for me not to aside from sheer laziness.)

What am I currently reading? Well, I just finished "The Last Templar" which was pretty good. Sort of along the lines of "The DaVinci Code" if you enjoyed that.

Now I've started on "The Looming Tower". It's non-fiction and goes into the history of al-Queda (I know I didn't spell that right) and the lead up to 9/11. It seems quite interesting. (That's what I'm reading instead of my homework. Sadly, my habits haven't changed much over the years!)

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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 10:21 AM

~The Mighty Nephy~

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