Seriously.
As I had written before, my Aunt Bea died at the beginning of December (and Kim, her daughter, died in July). So I really wasn't too enthused about the holidays to begin with.
On Christmas Day, mom and I went to visit Uncle Barry (her younger brother) and take him some dinner.
We found him dead.
Epic suck.
So this has been the WORST holiday EVER as far as I'm concerned.
Nothing like spending your holiday with the cops, the coroner and the mortician. Oh, joy!
Like I'm sure they would have rather been elsewhere as well.
This last 6 months has just been an epic suck for me and my family.
I'll be glad to see the New Year and put this crappy one behind me.
Hopefully it will be better.
I don't think I have been so emotionally exhausted in the last 20 years. I cried so long and hard I didn't think I would ever stop (which made me cry harder because I was scared). Now how dumb is that? To cry because you're afraid you won't stop crying.
I still really can't talk about it because I start up again and I really need to stop it before I dehydrate myself.
That's about all I care to say about it right now.
The dog is fine. She's probably glad to see the back of me since I've been home for a few days scooping her up and kissing her all over her flat face and using her as a crying rag.
She got a new bed and a new blankie for Christmas. She really likes her new bed. It is smaller than her other bed in the kitchen and furry so it might be warmer for her.
I've had a fire going every day that I've been home. It's been nice and warm (about 80 degrees in the kitchen) so the both of us are just as happy as pigs in shit.
And since I got some new books for Christmas, I've just been laying around on my makeshift bed in the kitchen and reading. The dog loves it because she lays there with me all nice and warm. Neither one of us moves unless we're hungry or have to potty.
We still take our long walks in the morning and in the evening but over this past weekend I had no ambition to do anything but lay around. Considering everything that's happened recently, I felt like I deserved a day or two of just rest with absolutely NO DRAMA whatsoever.
It feels like I've been living in a fucking "Drama o'rama" here lately.
Today more of the same. I have to work this week which is tolerable as it takes my mind off of other things. But tonight I will be laying around reading again. Or maybe watch Monday Night Football. It depends on how I feel.
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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 2:00 PM
It's our last "full week" of work before the holidays. Yay! I'm so ready for a vacation I can't even stand it.
I'm still a bit tearful and clingy regarding Aunt Bea. Mom asked me why I keep calling everyday. I told her I am just being needy and she's going to have to deal with it for a while. I guess I want re-assurance that everyone else is ok. So sue me for being clingy.
The dog got a bath yesterday. She was stinking but it's been too cold to give her one lately. Yesterday it was finally warm enough outside to give her one and not have to worry about taking her out later on in the evening.
Now she's all soft and fluffy and clean. After her bath, she tore around the house like a mad thing which makes me laugh. But she always stops to grab her treat out of my hand and zoom off again with it.
She's so good when I give her a bath, too. She just sits there and lets me scrub away on her. I'm sure all that scratching and warm water feels pretty good. At least it would to me!
When it got really cold that one night, I made her sleep with me. She is so warm! Ahhh! I made her lay right against my chest and curled up around her. She layed there all night, too. Of course, the snoring woke me up a few times but that's ok. I can live with it since she's warm and lays still in the night.
I really have no enthusiasm for the holidays this year. I didn't even want to put my little tree up but I did. I mean, it's our first Christmas in the new house so I thought maybe I should. I DID, however, decorate the big sun over the fireplace with holly and ivy. It looks really cool (to me). And I put up ivy and bows on the front porch. But that's it. No lights or anything.
The guys delivered the wood on Friday. There is a LOT of cherry in there. My bro has demanded that I keep some aside so he can use it in the smoker this summer. That sounds like a good idea.
The dog has realized that the kitchen is the warmest room in the house when I'm home (I try to get the fire going when it's cold) and has taken to laying in her bed by the fireplace in the evenings. Not that I blame her. I usually sit in my rocker by the fire reading in the evenings when I get a chance.
I finished making all of the Christmas candy over the weekend. I had to hide the gingerbread cookies from myself so I don't decimate them. And I mean that in the literal sense of the Latin word. Of course, I had to try one out of the first batch to make sure it wasn't poisoned. Then after I made the icing I had to try another one WITH the icing to make sure the icing wasn't poisoned.
So far, they seem to be fit for human consumption but I might have to eat a few more just to make sure. lol!
I don't really eat the brownies or buckeyes or cherries but I will tear them gingerbread cookies UP!
The one thing I am looking forward to is some 4 day weekends. Man, that will be nice to get away from work and maybe get some crap put away. I still have a bunch of stuff sitting around in boxes in the closets that need to be sorted thru and given away or something. Just a bunch of crap that I had in storage that I no longer need that I was too lazy (and too pressed for time) to do anything with before. So now's the time.
And I will get to SKATE, too. Oh, that will be nice. My poor old bones are hurting - curse this stupid cold! I'm sure gaining about 10lbs over the summer (all of the ice cream and no skating) isn't helping matters. But I should be able to get back on it soon, I hope.
With all of the moving and painting and trying to sell my condo I really didn't have the time or the inclination to do much else. Hopefully this break around the holidays will let me get some stuff under control so I can start back on my yoga and skating.
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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 12:43 PM
My Aunt Bea (yes, I have an "aint bea") died last week. Her daughter, Kim, died over the summer and Aunt Bea just never could come to grips with it.
Now I'm very sad and have been bawling like a lost pup since the funeral on Saturday. It's hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. For a lot of reasons - one being I'm worried about my mom (her sister). And others for reasons I don't care to put here for fear of starting up on my crying jag again.
And, of course, it doesn't help matters that the dreaded "Aunt Flo" has decided to arrive now as well. So I'm pretty much an emotional wreck and trying not to burst into tears or go postal or both simultaneously.
At least the dog has stopping shunning me (for now). She's been staying near me at home so she must know something is up. Last night it was POURING the rain right before bed time and she wouldn't go out. She did earlier when it was raining but I guess she'd had enough of it.
I even put her raincoat on her (which is ridiculous but she will stay out longer in the rain/cold when she has it on) but she wanted no part of that rain. So I had to pick her up and carry her to the backyard. There was no smelling or patrolling the yard, let me tell you. She did her business and ran back to get in the house.
This morning when we went for our walk, there was a kestrel in a tree just watching us. The Butter is a little big for a kestrel to carry off so I wasn't too concerned but the bird just sat there - really close to me - watching us. It was kind of neat to see it so close.
There was a GIGANTIC hawk of some sort that swooped down over the back yard about 2 months ago. I mean it was the BIGGEST bird I've seen (aside from a Bald Eagle and a vulture). It was some sort of hawk and I swear it had a wingspan of five feet! THAT concerned me because The Butter could have easily been carried off by such a monster bird.
I've scheduled to get a load of wood delivered on Friday after work. It's supposed to be cold as hell tonight and there's some big old snowstorm pelting the Plains heading east. Oh, boy.
It spat a few flurries here the other day and you would have thought the Apocalypse was upon us the way idiots were acting. There were wrecks everywhere, the stores were flooding with people in a panic to buy milk and bread, people calling off work left and right. It was comedic. I just can't believe a few flurries can cause such devistation. I mean the entire city was about paralyzed.
It was a terror attack by Mother Nature! Arrest the bitch and throw her in Gitmo!
That is why I hate snow. HATE IT. Not because it isn't fun to play in or I particularly mind shovelling it but because fucking IDIOTS CANNOT DRIVE and fly into a hysteric PANIC whenever there is so much as a flurry.
You idiots who are afraid to drive - STAY THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD!!
You idiots who insist on yapping on cell phones and driving at 5 mph on the interstate because you're too "important" not to go into work - YOU AIN'T IMPORTANT - HANG UP or GO HOME!
There is nothing that pisses me off more than fucking idiot drivers. People act like they haven't a clue. Maybe they don't. It certainly seems that way.
Fortunately most people around here have the "herd" mentality and only know ONE way to get to where ever they want to go so they tend to clog up the interstates and main roads. If you know the "back roads" and alternate routes, you can pretty well get around them most of the time.
I've made two new flavors of cider - one peanut butter and the other caramel. They are both quite yummy altho the peanut butter didn't quite dissolve as much as I would have liked. The caramel looked to be dissolved but that was when it was still warm so I don't know how it will turn out once it's room temp or cooler. It seems to have thickened up (one bottle exploded in the cellar leaving a big old gooey mess all over). We'll see.
Right now, it's all mellowing in the cellar waiting to be gifted (or cursed) upon my friends (or enemies) depending on how you look at it.
Work is still work. I'm just disgusted by the whole thing. We did FINALLY get some admin help so at least that's freed up our lab help to do my testing so I can babysit the plants. They are in constant need of assurance that everything will be ok.
You can tell them something three times and they won't believe it until you copy their damned plant manager on the email. Why? Is it THAT hard to believe that suppliers ignore us? What the hell do THEY care about the paperwork if they are still getting paid? I mean duh.
If we held up the $$ they'd comply right quick. But we don't so they really don't give a damn about your plant hysterics. And it's not like *I* can hold their payment, either, because I most CERTAINLY would do it in an instant.
No - I'm in the same position as the plants but they don't believe it. Somehow *I* am the one responsible for suppliers ignoring them. Whatever.
I have the dates and conversations recorded and it's amazing how suddenly everyone shuts up when you show them the dates and conversations dating back MONTHS on an issue that suppliers STILL refuse to resolve.
Do you people think I make this crap up for amusement or what? Really - I've got better things to do with my time.
Just like that stupid German bitch Christina - do you REALLY think I deliberately don't send you something just to piss you off? Listen, you stupid c*nt, if I truly wanted to piss you off and make your pathetic life more miserable, I would certainly be much more creative than to just not send you a material. I'd send you the WRONG sample. Or a CONTAMINATED sample. Or something equally destructive and more likely to go unnoticed. Really. How dumb are you?
Give me a little credit for being an evil minion! I went to school for this sort of thing, you know!
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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 10:00 AM
