So I have a skating test coming up and the club sends me the test schedule. I'm looking it over and I realize that there are only TWO other people in a very large (5+ hour) test session that are taking higher level tests than ME.
Fuck.
That means PEOPLE WILL BE WATCHING ME and oh, how I just HATE that! Now I get to agonize over it until the deed is done.
Hell's Bells and Cockel Shells!
Seriously - I hate to have people watch me at a test session or a competition. That's mostly why I don't compete (that and I just despise those stupid skimpy dresses you have to wear. At my age and weight, NO ONE should be subjected to seeing me in spandex!)
Now, practice is a totally different story. I'll just about try anything at practice because I don't really care. But competition or testing - ugh.
The funny thing is - I'm not afraid to be on stage or speak in front of a crowd or anything like that. But I'd rather touch a dead snake (DEAD ONE) than take a skating test. I don't know what it is. If I had just ONE other person out there to just skate around in a circle while I'm testing, I'd be just fine. It's like I need a distraction so I don't have to think about the judges. Very odd.
So now I get to work myself into a lather about it and I bring it on myself. Why do I test if it's so terrifying? Because I can and because I know it's something I need to learn to cope with if I am ever going to teach.
I thought I test at this session because this is the first chance I've had since the "new rules" went into effect two months ago and I want to see where I stand and also I just need to do it. Part of me (ok, MOST of me) doesn't really expect to pass and that's really ok. I'd just like to see the comments and see how far off the mark I am - what I need to work on. My coach thinks everything looks good but I know how nervous I get and how I will fall back on my bad habits.
The dogs are fine - both fat and happy. Lil' One Eye is just a great ball of belly and fuzz but he is just adorable with his little crooked face. The Bat doesn't have much of a winter coat going on so she likes to burrow under the blanket on the couch which I find amusing.
A strange thing happened to me last weekend. I had volunteered to be the Herald in training at an event. They needed a big mouth and Lord knows I do enough shouting at people at Pennsic so I figured WTF? As long as someone tells me what to yell and what other things need done.
I just figure I'll just do various announcements and the like. Not a big deal because I do it at Pennsic and when else can you shout at the top of your lungs and not have people tell you to "shut up!" or "keep it down!"?
Well, apparently there are some "things" going on behind the scenes - a bunch of political nonsense - that has been fermenting for a while. I have tried and managed to remain blissfully ignorant to most of it but to say I'm not aware of something going on would be a lie.
Mostly I don't WANT to see it in my barony so I try to ignore it and remain fat, drunk and stupid and try not to offend anyone. I really hate to see it and IMO I wish people would just stop and enjoy their hobby.
Anyway - Our Baron/ess requested that I herald court that evening. Like, huh? Me?
I have NEVER, EVER done such a thing before (not even pretend) and I am quite intimidated by all of the protocol, pronunciation of names and that sort of thing so I didn't want to do it but I agreed to it. (Now I'm sure some people were upset with me and I just hate that my ignorance caused someone grief so I tried to apologize for it.)
When the time came, I was very nervous - it wasn't a large or hostile crowd but it was scary anyway (because I knew I didn't know what the hell I was doing). And then, it didn't seem so bad. At all.
Not like TESTING or COMPETING.
Some people fear public speaking more than death. Me? I fear skating in front of judges.
It's funny how you keep learning things about yourself no matter how old you get.
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 2:35 PM
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