for Molly McButter Butt. She died this morning in my arms at the hospital of congestive heart failure.
I am absolutely heartbroken. She was an excellent companion and a good dog. I am very sorry that we didn't get to spend more time together. I was hoping that we would have at least 3-5 years together before she passed.
She was older than I thought but that probably doesn't make a difference. She did have a heart murmur as well (so did one of our other Pekes, Cris, and that's what killed him). But I still thought we would have more time.
I took her to the hospital yesterday when she was having shallow, rapid breathing and wouldn't eat her treat. She was on oxygen and an IV overnight but she didn't get any better - she just got worse. Her little heart just gave out.
The vet called me this morning to let me know she hadn't improved so I rushed over there. She was just exhausted from trying to breathe and I could tell she was dying.
They let me take her out of her oxygen bubble and hold her and she died in my arms. It was horrible not being able to do anything to save her. I just feel awful. The techs at the vet's office and the vet were very kind to me.
She will be cremated on Friday and I will put her ashes under the maple tree in the back where she would lay in the summer.
Molly McButterbutt was also known as The Butter, Fang, Fanger, Fangy, The Fang Faced Killer, Winky, Blinky, Square, My Little Square, McButt, Yoga Dog and The Waddler.
She was fat and square and her lower canine teeth stuck out like fangs in a "V". She waddled when she walked and wagged her tail often. The only time she didn't wag her tail or hold it up is when she was sick.
She liked to lay in her bed by the fireplace and look out the sliding glass door into the yard. Sometimes she would lay on the steps and survey her "kingdom".
Her favorite treats were pupperonis and cheese. She loved her cheese.
She snored like a drunken sailor and I will probably miss that the most since it was so comforting to hear it in the night.
Questions I would ask her on a daily basis include:
"What's it doin'? What's it doing today?"
"What did it do today? Was it guarding? Was it protecting? Yeah, it was protecting".
"Was it good? Was it good? Yeah, it was good." (after she had eaten or gotten a treat)
"What's it doing in it's bed?"
She loved her walks - especially in the spring and the fall when it wasn't too hot or snow-covered. We would walk about a mile or so a day. She would trot off with me trotting behind until we got about 1/2 mile from home then on the way back she would stop and smell everything. I never quite figured that out. She wouldn't smell or pee so much on the way out, but on the way home she had to smell everything.
She also liked to lay out under the maple tree or on the back porch and watch me mow the yard or work in the herb garden. She liked to watch me work. Sort of like management.
I could say, "Molly potty?" and she would trot to the door and do her "yoga" (she would stretch like a cat - extending first one hind leg and shaking it a bit and then the other hind leg - it was so cute!). We would then go outside. Sometimes she did her yoga outside but it was usually after she got up.
She also know the difference between "go" and "potty". "Go" meant getting into the car (and a possible slim jim treat if we stopped). She did like to go in the car. I'm sorry that her last two trips in the car were to the vet.
Molly also liked to watch the TV and would bark at anything that ran or made animal noises (barks, whinnies, moos) so we couldn't watch "animal planet" unless I felt like listening to it.
If she didn't bark at something, she would "buff" at it. I'm not sure why she "buffed" at some things and barked outright at others. I think "buff" meant "I see you" whereas a bark meant she felt there was action happening (running, yelling or looking AT her).
She would lay at the front door in the summer (when I would have the big door open) and "buff" at people or cars that went by. It was a soft, "buff, buff" usually accompanied by snotting. The bottom half of all of my glass doors and the car window are littered with snot. No matter how many times a day I cleaned it, she snotted it up again.
And let's not forget the snuffling, snorting and snoting that are just part of the package with a Peke. I could ALWAYS tell where she was by her snuffling noises. I swear I've heard her today but that's probably just wishful thinking.
On the weekends if I took a nap, I'd make her lay next to me on the couch to keep me warm. I will miss that a lot.
She was a good dog and never pottied in the house or tore up anything. Oddly, she never wanted to play with toys. She would play a little bit - but nothing like Wheezie used to. She was content to sit in my lap or next to me and just be petted.
I would hold her in my lap every evening and pet her or scratch her ears. Lately I think it was more beneficial to me than to her. Petting her seemed to just relax me. Maybe because she liked it so much.
She would roll over when she saw me for me to rub her belly. Sometimes I would hold her on my lap and just rub her belly until my arm got tired from holding her.
She was completely housebroken and after *I* had overcome *my* reluctance to leave her, I discovered that she didn't mind me being gone at all. She spent her days listening to the radio and gazing out the door or patrolling the house. She would hide her treats sometimes as well (which I found amusing - I found several "pig skins" deposited at various locations as I was putting stuff away after our move in June).
I suspect there were plenty of days when she was glad to see the back of me so she could get some peace and quiet.
Of course, there were other times when *I* misbehaved where she would "shun" me. There is nothing like being shunned by a Peke, let me tell you.
Usually I would do something horrible like cut her toenails, put medicine in her ear or some such thing. Then she would go into her bed in the kitchen (it was off limits to me - I wouldn't bother her if she was in that bed), turn her back on me and flop down with a disgusted "humph".
This happened several times. The first time I was rather indignant. I mean, it is *I* who has the opposible thumb, right? I then learned that her "shunning" only lasted as long as there were no treats. As soon as the pupperioni bag was rattled, I was instantly forgiven.
If only rattling that bag would bring her trotting in with her little fangs sticking out and her ears up with that ? look on her little flat face.
I will miss her more than I thought possible. With all the other crap that's been going on (stuff I haven't written here just because it pisses me off all over again) and Aunt Bea and Uncle Barry dying in December, it was nice to just pick The Butter up and pet her. She was the ONE being who seemed to be content in all of this chaos.
I just hope that I made her as happy as she made me and the short time we were together made up for all of the shuffling around she went thru before I got her. I tried to be as good to her as I could be - long walks, letting her get in the mud and roll in the grass, treats and rides in the car. She even had two of my discarded sheep skins to sleep on - one upstairs and one on a pillow by the TV.
She seemed content. Lord knows she was well-fed!
But that is my hope - that she was as happy with me as I was with her and she felt secure and content with me. I wanted to give her a sense that I would always be around for her and I wasn't going to send her away like had happened so many times before with other people.
I hope she knows how much I loved her and how much my parents had gotten attached to her - especially my Dad. I would put her in his lap when we went to see them because she would just sit there and let him pet her. Sometimes they'd both fall asleep in his chair.
At least I was there with her when she died and got to hold her.
It's time for her walk so I'm going to walk outside for a minute to remember her.
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