~What in the Hell?~

Saturday, April 29, 2006

~ Drowning in Bullshit ~

I've been having a bit of trouble sleeping lately - apparently there are several things on my mind - all different and yet I think they all have the same root.

Today, to help me think, I've been ironing. When I'm mad I clean. But when I want to "think" I'll iron or polish the silver or sew by hand. Something repetitive that doesn't require too much thought.

The ironing is done and I still need to think. That means hand sewing. The silver was polished from before. I wanted to get some of my thoughts down before I went on another track. It happens.

What pisses me off about that stupid job - they lie. That's what it boils down to. Of course they don't call it "lying" but don't be fooled - that's exactly what it is.

Now if they want to say something like "we don't give a flyig fuck about you or what you need" then ok. I can deal with that. At least they are being upfront about it. But no. They can't even do that. They have to mouth stupid platitudes like "we want you to develop your career" and "we believe in recognizing everyone's contributions".

Bitches, please! That's a job - something I *have* to do in order to eat and live indoors. It's not a "career" or any such thing. And all your bullshit doesn't fool me - I see the people that get "advanced" - so idiotic they can't wipe their own asses. That place is like a fucking JR High playground - a bunch of tattle-tales and brown nosers who get all the rewards while those of us who do our homework are just blown off.

Word, fools! WE are the ones that keep the place running. All of your whiney brown-nosers and ass kissers and tattle tales don't do JACK. I think they are mentally incapable myself but that's another rant all together.

If that's the way you want to be, then fine. Stop telling me that you want me to be happy because if that were the case, you'd stop with the idiocy.

Maybe that's my mistake - I shouldn't actually EXPECT anyone to do anything they say. I'd certainly be much happier if I didn't actually BELIEVE people. And I'd never be disappointed.

So I'm continually disillusioned by people and it's just getting old. And frustrating. I just don't understand why people can't do what they say and say what they mean.

I'd certainly be much happier if people would stop lying outright to me or feeding me a bunch of shit. Come on - I've been around long enough - I can handle the truth. If you don't give a shit about me except as a worker bee, that's fine. Why do you think you need to say otherwise?

It's just as bad on the personal side, too. Just stop with the shit. I know you'd rather be acting like a neanderthal with your buddies than be with me at the movies but if you want to get laid you're just going to have to deal, dig?

The truth is I'm only important to you when I'm naked and in your face. Think I'm too stupid to understand that? Think again.

Just stop with the bullshit already. Obviously the only one you're fooling is yourself because I certainly don't believe it.

I'm drowning in bullshit here, both personally and professionally, and it's really starting to piss me off. I need a vacation, I think. I need to get away from all of this idiocy and bullshit before I stop simply cleaning and polishing the silver and snap.

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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 6:06 PM

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

~ Amusing Dream ~

Lately I've been having a bit of trouble sleeping. Not quite sure why - could be my allergies or my back hurting and waking me up. Going to sleep isn't a problem usually but STAYING asleep lately has been an issue.

The good part of that is I am not deep sleeping so I am remembering my dreams a lot more. Last nights in particular was quite amusing.

I dreamed I was somewhere like Cozumel in Mexico. It was a small town where there are a lot of restaurants/bars for the tourists. I had wandered off the beaten path shopping (as I tend to do) and I was getting hungry.

On down the street was a restaurant. Standing in front of the restaurant was a "greeter" so I walk up to him and ask if they are serving supper. He says yes and they also have a bar. The place looks pretty quiet from the outside. Just a few people having drinks - very low key.

He leads me inside to the back of the restaurant and it's full of people. There's like some party going on with a buffet, drinks and a salsa band. I'm looking around and I'm thinking I'm in the wrong place.

So I say to the guy leading me, "Am I supposed to be here?"

And he says, "Not everyone can find this place." And he smiles at me and holds his arm out for me to walk on into the room.

I'm still not sure if I should be there. It looks like some "hoity-toity" party and while I usually don't MIND crashing a party this one doesn't seem quite "right".

Then, totally out of the blue, Johnny Depp appears at Capt. Jack Sparrow and says, "come on, luv!" And holds his hand out to me.

Hey, like I need to be told twice! I run in there and slide my arm around him and hug him. Then he hands me a drink and we start talking about who knows what. All I know is he was quite the wit and I was laughing my ass off talking to him.

How long this went on, I don't know. I just remember walking around with him - his arm over my shoulders - just a drinking and blabbering when he spies someone in the crowd.

So he yells something to the effect of "Hey! Look here! A redhead!" And he grabs me around the neck and pushes my head down so my hair falls forward so everyone can see.

I'm like "WTF?" And start giggling at his goofiness. It wasn't until he said something just then that I realized I was the ONLY non-blonde female in the room. It was weird. But normal.

He pulls my head back up and I'm still giggling at him. I look over to see who in the hell he was talking to and, there, surrounded by Barbies, was The Big O. And I blushed. I could FEEL it - the hotness on my cheeks.

Johnny pecks me on the cheek as I'm still stupidly grinning and blushing. I look at him and he gives me this look like "HA! Gotcha!" Like he knew all along about the Big O and was just teasing me.

I poke him in the ribs in annoyance and he starts laughing. So of course I crack up (it doesn't take much). And he's saying something like "I knew it! I knew it!"

The Big O stands there watching us like he wants to come over and join in the fun but the "fembots" have him trapped and he doesn't want to be "rude" and just dump them.

And I remember the fembots trying to get Orally's attention as Johnny and I are giggling like the two goofy drunks we are but he isn't looking at them. He's watching us and keeps saying, "yeah. uh-huh" to the fembots. I felt so sorry for him. Really, I did! Odd as that sounds!

I KNEW I should want to jump on him and lick him (because that's what I want, right?) but I just was having too much fun with Johnny.

I mean, the Big O is beautiful but a sense of humor will win with me EVERY TIME. Unfortunately for him, She Who Could Have Rescued Him was busying giggling and acting a fool (which is my GREATEST pleasure in life. Make no mistake!)

Poor thing looked so sad, really. I felt SORRY for him because he looked bored out of his mind. He hadn't quite progressed to the "gnaw off my own leg to escape" stage but I still felt bad for him.

It's strange how you remember certain details about dreams. I can clearly see The Big O standing there, that dark messy hair and those chocolate eyes watching our every move.

He's holding a drink in his right hand. It's a highball glass with something cold and clear in it - or lemon flavored. He has on a dark suit. He wants a cigarette but can't smoke for some reason.

One of the fembots (the one standing closest to me) has on a gold/tan sleeveless dress that is cut just above the knee. It zips up the back. There is embroidery or fringe on the bottom of it. She's holding a glass in both of her hands and standing very close to the Big O. As he backs up, she steps forward. The girl beside her does the same. They both have straight ash blonde hair to their shoulders. I can't see their faces.

That's the last I remember of the dream. I know *I* was having a good time and I wished Orally would have been able to have fun but he was trapped. Trapped by the fembots! Oh, the horror!

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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 8:44 PM

Monday, April 17, 2006

~ Whew! ~

It's been a long 11 days, lemme tell you!

First, the birthday party was a blast. It was a bit cold so there weren't as many people outside in the tent as I had hoped. Hey, I paid bad money for that thing - I wanted people to enjoy it!

But a lot of people came - mostly my relatives - which was nice. I haven't seen some of them in AGES. Quite a few of my friends came as well. We ate, drank and made merry until 2:30am. And nobody called the cops (to dad's disappointment, I must say).

The Creature didn't escape. As a matter of fact, he was so overwhelmed with everyone, he hid under the coffee table for the most part, only uttering a pathetic "arf" every now and then. Which was quite amusing.

We played games, drank, ate and told stories like there was no tomorrow. Unfortunately, many of the stories were about ME. (Lies! Foul LIES!) And the wide-open ears of my team leader were eagerly taking this all in. I had to laugh, tho. It was just too much.

Here are some not-so-incriminating photos. The first one is of my girl, Linda. Poor thing has been having some rough times and needed to cut loose. Which she did in hilarious fashion. Notice the name tag. I sort of stuck that on her. I couldn't resist.

This one is me and Becky dancing to a CD entitled "to sing while intoxicated".

To keep us amused, I bought some of those "blowers" (I have no idea what the proper name for these things are). All I know is the dog hates them and they were a source of GREAT amusement to us the more intoxicated we became. A sad lot we are, yes? LOL!


From the day before, my brother helping set up the yurt. That's my dad standing there looking lost. My brother and I managed to get the frame up pretty quickly. The hardest part is getting the damned thing in a true CIRCLE. Ugh.


Here is The Creature on Sunday morning. Completely exhausted from the home invasion.


Now, if that weren't enough excitement - Sunday we cleaned up and took down the yurt.
Then Tuesday mom went into the hospital to have her gallbladder taken out.

I was going home to check on Dad and The Creature. Thursday I went home, cooked them dinner and colored the Easter eggs.

Saturday Steve and I went to the local amusement park. Heh. Only us "locals" know it's open so I got to ride everything I wanted without an hour wait.

Now I'm completely worn out. Mom came home on Saturday. Easter was Sunday and DAD COOKED! WTF??? Yeah. I went up there planning to cook but dad had already started everything so I just tormented the dog.

Whew! Today at lunch I went to practice (since I haven't been in a while - what with all this OTHER stuff going on). On the way back to work I ran a red light. Right in front of a cop.

Shit.

Figures.

So he pulls me over and dammit it all to hell I can't find my license! I have EVERYTHING but my license.

Cop - "is this car registered to you?"

Me- "yeah. Do you need my insurance or credit card or anything?"

Cop - "no, I'll run the tags thru the system. Wait a minute."

Me - waiting and cursing my stupid license.

After about 2 minutes he returns.

Cop - (a bit surprised) "Are you Melissa?"

Me - (thinking "Oh, God. This is it. I'm going to jail.") "Yeah. Why?"

Cop - "Oh, I'm sorry - wow. You just don't look (he says my age). I thought you were (12 years younger)"

Me - (stunned I'm not going to jail) "huh?"

Cop - as he's walking back to his car "you be careful next time, you hear?"

Me - (still stunned) "huh?"

Then he's gone. I sat there for a minute, seriously, going WTF?? Then I had to laugh. That had to be one of the strangest things to happen to me lately.

I dunno if he gave me a warning because it was so close to my birthday, he was seriously disturbed that I don't "look" my age or what. But I'll take it!

Sometimes I wonder what people think "my age" SHOULD look like? The crypt keeper?

Ah. Speaking of looking like the crypt keeper, I need to seriously catch up on my rest. All this excitement - it's just too much! LOL!

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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 7:21 PM

Thursday, April 06, 2006

~ Submitted for Your Entertainment ~

I was digging thru some old files today trying to tame the paper tiger when I came across our old "poetry" collection.

A while back, Lilibean brought in some of that "magnetic poetry" and we went absolutely berserk with it. Classic stuff. Of course, it was instantly perverted into gutter talk but hey - what do you expect? We also put names over some of the "repeat" words - just to incriminate anyone.

So, for your entertainment, I've gathered some of the more humorous and/or neat ones. Be warned that they may contain names of the guilty as well as some provocative language and suggestions.

*Let my butt turn blue with ice cold weather.

*You imagine every winter for beautiful summer morning.

*Fall off time, give chase on a moon.

*Incubate lost asses here. (NOTE- the original word was "grass" and some joker cut off the "gr" part to make "ass".)

*I'm the goddess so make your heart shiver with life.

*Incubate your organ every day.

*I believe in tequila.

*Somewhere a drink is looking for me.

*Smile, your clothes taste cinnamon.

*I believe in healthy tequila and die happy if I'm wrong.

*I like whipped cream in my astronaut pants.

*Hold it, sugar buns! Can I get out of this world by bad directions?

*Haven't we come to you thru shade and light to become more gentle than the springtime of your dreams?

*Only one beautiful green guy of my dreams with eyes like a stormy sky would wander from sweet summer nights into my life and kiss my heart forever.

*Before I love you, you must walk by again so I can savor your musty pits odor and bring out the dog.

*I have a heruclean fecund festooning in my ass. (NOTE - this one makes me laugh so hard I nearly pee.)

*Get your organs spurned here!

*Don't make me come shopping.

*I will caress your buns and make you know love.

*Has Jay named his favorite hand?

*Lava burns in his ass.

*John said, "I'm acumen" as he profligated his limpid blue organ sizzling hot lava in grandpas fat drunk ass. (NOTE - despite my repeated attempts to the contrary, the heathens use the NOUN "acumen" as a VERB because it "sounds dirty". The savages!)

*Wow, is that a turgid rise in your astronaut pants or is it a big juicy fecund?

*I crave his delicious gentle kiss all my life.

*I think so I drink.

*sex up your big invalid man.

*I just want you to shiver against me and make my heart know the sunshine of your love.

*Her sweet kisses comfort me like the warm summer sun.

*Matt whipped the old man on a water bed as he languished like a red dog.

*Whip a tremendous butt and die happy!

*The toilet sucker of life stomped your buns like nasty goo.

*Damn your tongue surprise!

*I got a quart low on beer here.

*Jay exploded a burning whisper in his astronaut pants screaming, "my sexy ass is so stinky!"

*"Oh, I feel the lips of sizzle spanking my obtuse ass," exploded Ken as Murray jiggled his fat glistening organ.

The rest of them (and believe me, there are plenty more!) are just as bad. Nouns were turned into verbs and verbs to adjectives. But the end result was too damned funny.

Of course, Lili and Matt (being the anal engineers they are) decided that all the words should be taken down and sorted into their parts of speech. Because having all the words just stuck every where on the filing cabinets was "too messy". WTF???

I LIKE seeing all the words. I don't know what I'm going to write until I see the words. I don't think of something THEN write it. I let it "write" itself. But they think about it then go looking for the words. Nah, man. How stifling is that? You're too limited to your own "sphere". When you have the words THERE waiting to be used, there's no limit to what you can create.

Needless to say, once all the words were divided up, the creativity dried up as well. I really should pull those things out again. Just for stress relief.

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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 12:03 PM

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

~ One of Those Days ~

Did you ever have one of those days when it seems like your BRAIN has departed for parts unknown leaving the rest of your body behind?

Today feels like that for me. Which wouldn't be so bad if I were doing the physical part of my job. But today (and the rest of this week) I'm stuck doing paperwork for the most part and my mind is off on vacation or something. It sure as hell ain't here.

Physically I could just run on "auto pilot". But writing reports and paperwork - no doing. My brain just won't engage for some reason. And I'm hungry as fuck. Rrrrr!

It's about that time of the month for me to be getting hungry, tho. So it's not unexpected. Still bogus just not unexpectedly bogus.

I kinda feel like zombies look in the movies - all slow moving and blank stare shuffling around trying to find grub. That about describes it.

And, of course, people are wanting me to think. I just look at them blankly and continue to stare past them. It's like being asleep but with your eyes open.

My back is bothering me, too. The stupid weather won't just GET WARM and STAY WARM. Dammit! It keeps getting cold and rainy. Fuck that noise! Clear up, get warm and stay that way for a while!!

All the preparations for my birthday party are final and paid for. The last things I have to do is sautee some veggies for the fajitas on Friday night and pitch the yurt. Everything else is done.

The rental place is coming over Thursday to pitch the tent and drop off the tables, chairs and chafing dishes. Friday we're pitching the yurt and setting everything up that we can for Saturday. And Saturday? I plan to sleep as long as possible then wander around eating all damned day.

Mom and I dug out all of the games and the card decks. Hopefully she'll be able to find someone to play cards or Trouble with her. That will make her happy.

Dad is still worried that someone is going to call the cops. For what? The only loud noise is going to be yapping and laughing. Not like I'm bringing my drum or telling others "massive drum circle - o'dark thirty at my parents!" He's paranoid, tho. *eye roll*

The poor Creature has no idea his domain is about to be descended upon by the masses. This may be the one chance in his pitiful life he actually has a shot at getting enough love and attention. Considering there should be about 30 people running around. If he don't get enough love and attention from 30 people he'll need to pack up his shit and move elsewhere! lol!

There are only three hard and fast rules - no one under 21 drinking (like I even KNOW people under 21 who would come without their parents!); no playing in the street (if people are stupid enough to do this - well, can you say, "darwinism"?) and Don't let The Creature escape the house.

Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? We aim to please. I can't say anything about underwear in a tree because you never know. And there ain't no laws against it. So there.

The music, I fear, will cause the greatest uproar. No music after 1986. What's the point? We've got Vietnam war protest music (hey - I can be subtle sometimes), disco (love!), The Stones, Fleetwood Mac, old school Elton, Led Zep - you get the picture. Pretty much everything made before Steve was born. (I'm dating myself here - heh.) It's still good stuff and certainly a hell of a lot better than that rap nonsense polluting the airwaves now.

Of course, dad wants to play his elevator music but I will forbid it! We're not putting people to SLEEP, dad! We want them to remember when THEY were young and foolish. This is, after all, a farewell (temporary, to be sure) to MY misspent youth. Music helps people remember. I'm hoping in a good way.

I'm thinking I might bug out of here early. To see if I can locate where my brain ran off to. It's a shame the thing doesn't have a GPS. It'd be sort of interesting to see where it actually IS. Probably somewhere warm - curse it's hide! It should have taken the rest of us with it!

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The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 11:13 AM

~The Mighty Nephy~

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