I've been having a bit of trouble sleeping lately - apparently there are several things on my mind - all different and yet I think they all have the same root.
Today, to help me think, I've been ironing. When I'm mad I clean. But when I want to "think" I'll iron or polish the silver or sew by hand. Something repetitive that doesn't require too much thought.
The ironing is done and I still need to think. That means hand sewing. The silver was polished from before. I wanted to get some of my thoughts down before I went on another track. It happens.
What pisses me off about that stupid job - they lie. That's what it boils down to. Of course they don't call it "lying" but don't be fooled - that's exactly what it is.
Now if they want to say something like "we don't give a flyig fuck about you or what you need" then ok. I can deal with that. At least they are being upfront about it. But no. They can't even do that. They have to mouth stupid platitudes like "we want you to develop your career" and "we believe in recognizing everyone's contributions".
Bitches, please! That's a job - something I *have* to do in order to eat and live indoors. It's not a "career" or any such thing. And all your bullshit doesn't fool me - I see the people that get "advanced" - so idiotic they can't wipe their own asses. That place is like a fucking JR High playground - a bunch of tattle-tales and brown nosers who get all the rewards while those of us who do our homework are just blown off.
Word, fools! WE are the ones that keep the place running. All of your whiney brown-nosers and ass kissers and tattle tales don't do JACK. I think they are mentally incapable myself but that's another rant all together.
If that's the way you want to be, then fine. Stop telling me that you want me to be happy because if that were the case, you'd stop with the idiocy.
Maybe that's my mistake - I shouldn't actually EXPECT anyone to do anything they say. I'd certainly be much happier if I didn't actually BELIEVE people. And I'd never be disappointed.
So I'm continually disillusioned by people and it's just getting old. And frustrating. I just don't understand why people can't do what they say and say what they mean.
I'd certainly be much happier if people would stop lying outright to me or feeding me a bunch of shit. Come on - I've been around long enough - I can handle the truth. If you don't give a shit about me except as a worker bee, that's fine. Why do you think you need to say otherwise?
It's just as bad on the personal side, too. Just stop with the shit. I know you'd rather be acting like a neanderthal with your buddies than be with me at the movies but if you want to get laid you're just going to have to deal, dig?
The truth is I'm only important to you when I'm naked and in your face. Think I'm too stupid to understand that? Think again.
Just stop with the bullshit already. Obviously the only one you're fooling is yourself because I certainly don't believe it.
I'm drowning in bullshit here, both personally and professionally, and it's really starting to piss me off. I need a vacation, I think. I need to get away from all of this idiocy and bullshit before I stop simply cleaning and polishing the silver and snap.
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 6:06 PM
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