Yesterday was my meeting with the sea hag again. Went much better than I had expected. We actually had a civilized talk and I simply said that I cannot work under the current conditions and do my best. There is simply too much chaos and none of the "systems" in place to prevent said chaos apply to anyone but us.
Surprisingly she actually agreed with me. She asked me if I still wanted to leave and I said "yes". I don't see this getting better anytime soon (within the next three years) and I can't take it anymore. I need more structure (not routine) but a place where EVERYONE has to follow the same RULES. This is WORSE than trying to herd cats. Cats can be reasonable sometimes. Especially if you're holding food!
I can be somewhat reasonable when I'm met half way. Most people are. But this "oh, I fucked up, can you fix it?" Shit is just gotten real old real fast. Nothing but a hysterical, manical cluster fuck is all it is.
I'm fixing to get on my Christmas rant here in a week or so - get ready for it. Why do these stupid retailers start putting that shit out before Halloween? Makes me not want to even go to the grocery store. Disgusting and pointless to push that stuff early. Shut up and go away!
~~~
Confession time - I don't feel like a girl. Never have. I don't like to shop. I don't like makeup or clothes or shoes. I haven't seen "sex and the city". Nor have I ever watched soaps. I don't flirt well and I don't do the "femme" things that a lot of girls do like touch their hair or swish when I walk.
It's just one of those things that I just can't seem to "get". And the harder I try the dumber it looks. Really, I feel like I resemble a tranny most of the time - and a BAD one at that. Not looks wise but acting wise. Oh, sure, I LOOK like a chick but I don't FEEL like one nor do I ACT like one.
Picture if you will Rita Hayworth back in the day with Russell Crowe's attitude. There you have me. Get it? See how fucked up and bizarre that is? Yeah.
Some sort of cosmic joke I think. But hey - it could be worse, right? ;-) It could always be worse. This is just weird. Ah, well. Just one of those things brought to the forfront of my mind lately.
Now I gotta go. Time for my pelvic exam. And you thought I was ruminating on being a chick "just because". Uh, no.
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 1:04 PM
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