Yes, Mr. Parker is still a bit angry and continues to pout. But now he's grown more hateful and odious. He has decided to only give me bits and pieces at a time - making me beg and plead for the details. That's probably what he wanted in the first place, the bastard! He just wanted to hear me plead. I can see him now with that smug look on his face. Oh, I just want to smack him!
Well, you'd better take care, mister! 'Cause it is still MY fingers on the keys! And I can be pretty damned mean right back, you hear me?? pttthhhh!
Work is busy. Again. Everyone is back in and going crazy. Pretty much par for the course around here. Found some quite interesting excuses for missing work, tho. Here's the list from MSN.com:
I was sprayed by a skunk.
(ICK!)
I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.
(I can see this happening in our house, too!)
My bus broke down and was held up by robbers. (Like, wasn't this a movie plot?)
I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity. (I'll bet!)
I forgot to come back to work after lunch. (Same person who tripped over the dog?)
I couldn't find my shoes. (Sounds like ME - or Zitney Spears!)
I hurt myself bowling. (I don't even wanna know what you were doing with that bowling ball!)
I was spit on by a venomous snake. (So what? I was spit on by a venomous co-worker!)
I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow. (Believe it or not, been there, done that. But it was a bike, not a Jeep!)
A hitman was looking for me. (WTF? OK, that is so bizarre not even I can believe it!)
My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser. (X-tina perhaps?)
I eloped. (WTF? That's no excuse! That falls under the "poor planning on your part" category!)
My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up. (Good Lord, that applies to half of this company. Unfortunately, they STILL keep showing up!)
My cat unplugged my alarm clock. (Was this before or after you got sprayed by the skunk, tripped over the dog and lost your shoes?)
I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial. (Lemme guess - he's a hitman, right?)
I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India. (OK, this one would get me, I admit it!)
I forgot what day of the week it was. (Lay off the sauce!)
Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night. (Oh, I HATE it when that happens! If you'd taken my advice on the above, you wouldn't have that problem, now, would you?)
A tree fell on my car. (This is more believeable than the cow falling on the car, I have to say!)
My monkey died. (Before or after you tripped over it? Maybe IT unplugged the alarm clock and the cat killed it so you'd be too upset about it's death to worry about missing work!)
So now I have some new excuses for calling in sick. I guess the old "hurling my guts out" just doesn't cut it anymore - I have to be more creative. Or why don't I just tell the truth? "I'm sick of working and need a day off before I commit hari-Karoake!" Think they'd buy it? I doubt it, too.
The dating scene is, well, dead. I met a couple of guys and nothing really caught my attention. One individual nearly earned my famous red-headed wrath for blatantly LYING to me about his appearance. It's sort of hard to spot someone in a crowd when they don't even remotely RESEMBLE the picture they sent you.
Of course, he recognized ME. A redhead with wasit-length hair is pretty hard to miss - even in a crowd. He said he didn't come and tell me who he was because he was "shy". WTF? You're on an ADULT SITE, idiot! If you don't have the cajones to at least TALK to a potential date then you're certainly not going to be up for anything else. He was summarily banished.
Then there is this one dude who apparently thinks he is all that because he's some model. Whatever. I told him simply - if you're interested then you need to start writing me back because I'm not going to keep asking you to meet. He hasn't written back. Banished!
Of course, there are these individuals who write you and you reply and never hear from again until a month later and you're like "who in the hell is this?" Needless to say, I tell them to get lost. If you can't even manage to write me once in a month, you've obviously got better things to do with your time than get laid. So get lost! Ptttthhh!
My favorite was a dude who recently wrote me and couldn't spell a damned word right. I think (I'm not sure because the spelling was so bad) that he's in love with my fat ass. But I dunno! So I read his profile and he's one of those "I need a good woman to pamper and spoil and take care of!" It took me over an hour to clean the vomit off my monitor! You need a good woman to break her foot off in your dumb ass! Get lost!
Moi? Bitter? Not on your life! I'm enjoying every single sadistic minute of this! The more responses I get, the happier I am to stay single. I would highly recommend this to any chick who believes that she can't get by without a guy. Just for the laughs alone!
And what surprises me is that I've been getting notes from dudes in Norway, England, Australia, LA, Chicago, Boston, NYC, Thailand, Germany, Italy - I'm stunned. Why? They are never going to meet me! It's crazy! o_O
The Rogue Goddess saw shadows dancing at 11:56 AM
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